Yesterday morning I drove to Oklahoma City for a 9:15 appointment with the doctor that would be performing my upcoming eye surgeries. It was a beautiful, crisp fall day. I hadn’t been on a road trip in years! I thoroughly enjoyed the drive by myself. My GPS led me straight to the door of the address I was searching with 15 minutes to spare! 🙂
At 12:56 I signed, dated, and time stamped my consent form for my first surgery for this coming Monday, said my goodbyes and took the elevator to the parking level.
After three and a half hours of examination, testing, and consultation, I was given the final results. I’ve suffered permanent vision loss.My ocular pressures remain too high. Surgery was imminent. Reality hit. 😦
I tried hiding my tears of fear and disappointment under the guise of the numbing and dilation drops I’d been given were making my eyes water. But I fooled no one. Including myself.
The drive home with dilated pupils presented somewhat of a challenge. That beautiful fall day was ever so bright under dilation! Even with sunglasses! Sunglasses that happened to be in my car not my purse. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of my eyes being dilated on the inbound journey. My Blinded by the light blog of a few days ago took on new meaning. I truly was blinded by the light as I walked outdoors and ventured to my car without eye protection.
I’ve had my eyes dilated many times before and driven home, but I live a mile from my eye doctor in Tulsa not the 86 miles of the Turner Turnpike. Fortunately I set my phone on GPS and used the audio directions to guide me from the OU Health Sciences Center to the gate of the turnpike without having to read a thing. I was home free! Between an OU daughter and a competitive soccer player daughter I had traveled that turnpike frequently.
That time by myself that I enjoyed on the trip there suddenly had me thinking thoughts of enrolling my Golden retriever in service dog training school to be my seeing eye dog. Oh ye of little faith! 😦
I am a paraprofessional for developmental students. I am my 86 year old father’s caretaker. I can’t be that person that needs care! I AM the caretaker!
I believe in being transparent. So I‘m just gonna come right out and say it, I’m scared. I have plans. To update my home. To become a certified teacher. Not to spend my extra income on eye surgeries and time learning braille. But those are MY plans. Not God’s. His are bigger.
If I’m being challenged with my vision, then maybe God’s trying to tell me I should be paying better attention to my hearing. I heard my GPS directions loud and clear. What is He trying to tell me? Why do I struggle with hearing God’s directions for my life?
All I need is a little faith. The faith of a mustard seed. And I can move my mountains.
If any of you are facing your own mountains, I encourage you to remember nothing is impossible with Christ. All you need is a little faith
And it surely can’t hurt to also have a really good eye surgeon. And the prayers of your family and friends. And the love and loyalty of a Golden retriever in case you do end up needing a seeing eye dog. 🙂
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Love and laughter,