The Me I Want To Be

Good morning!

OK! True confession time!
On the outside I try to be all smiles. Full of love and laughter.  But on the inside,  I struggle! 😦

How about you?

Do you struggle with some of the choices and directions that lie ahead of you in life? Or ones you’ve already made that lie behind you that you wish  hadn’t?

My life is full of uncertainties. I’m trying to tackle new horizons. It’s exciting.  It’s challenging.  But what I wouldn’t give for some stability in just one area of it!

There’s my job for starters. May 23rd is the last day of school. I’ve applied to work ESY (extended school year) for the month of June. And I’m hoping to be rehired in August.  But nothing is for certain.  And there’s bills to pay.
Note to self. Trust in God.

Then there’s my home. BIG dead tree. Keeps falling, a limb at a time with each storm we have. No downstairs AC unit. Just to name a few. There’s always something. I financially get by, but I can’t afford to really fix any of it. Just yet. Until my plan comes to fruition. So I fix what I can and put a bandaid on what I can’t. And put on a big smile. And fake it ’til I can make it. 🙂 I took a huge pay cut to change careers last year. I just needed one year’s experience. To apply for alternative certification. And double my salary. I’m almost there. May 23rd.
Note to self. Trust in God.

I want to find a church home that is bible based. That offers Sunday school or small groups where I can grow in my faith and build new relationships, where I can listen to a sermon from the same leader each week, and one that plays their music at a moderate sound level.
Note to self.  Trust in God.

I say I’m fine without a man. But that’s not necessarily true. I’ve always had one in my life. My identity used to lie in being a wife. And mother. Now I’m divorced and my kids are grown. I’m the head of household and take care of my dad and all my own bills. But when it comes down to it, I don’t need one, I want one. I love to love and to be loved. Besides my dad, I have 3 daughters, 2 grandchildren and a very loving Golden Retriever, but I greatly enjoy the company of a certain special someone in my life as well. And I’d be lying to say I didn’t secretly wish for some day having more with him.
Note to self. Trust in God.

I know the only man I truly need is Christ. The one and only.

My favorite bible character is David. I so want to be like him! Acts 13:22 tells us “But God removed Saul and replaced him with David, a man about whom God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.”

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That’s the me I want to be! I  want to have a servant’s heart! To do everything asked and expected of me and then some. A good, kind heart. Always wanting to help others out of love.

That’s the me I want to be! But I so often lose focus. Get off track. Let my earthly fears and desires take over. I want it all. Now. With guarantees. That’s not how life works.

You may not know all that about me if you were just to see me in passing. What we see on the outside is rarely what’s on the inside. We can all put on a happy face. Instead let’s all become transparent.  Let others see the real you. Let’s be men and women after God’s own heart and look past the external and see the heart of each of those around us.  And as we do it, let’s make a note to self. And always trust in God.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

Love and laughter,

Sandy

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